I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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