i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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