how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
