So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
