i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
