When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
