when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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