apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
