He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
