just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
