office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
