my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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