Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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