I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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