shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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