how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
