Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
