Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
