She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
