He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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