the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
