also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
