The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
