Dual....:-)
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
