I got chris browned last night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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