I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
