lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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