I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
