it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
