that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize