you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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