I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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