I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize