Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
