We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
