Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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