I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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