no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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