youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
