dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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