maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
