How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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