i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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