His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
