I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
