Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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