I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
