mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
