Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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