dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
