White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
