the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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