I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
