He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
