Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
