I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
