First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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