I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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