I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
