like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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