I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
