My liver just broke up with me...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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