Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
