im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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